Daily Draw: Death (Reversed)

In a previous post, I mentioned how I had a surprising experience when I found myself really connecting with and adoring the Death card. Still, stigmas attached to it pervade, because as I drew my first card in months and saw Death - especially in the reversed aspect - my heart began to pound in my chest!

Death normally signifies change and transformation; and honestly, I find the card to be beautiful. Even in real life, I tend to view death as a natural and necessary part of existence. It's not something I fear, though of course, it is definitely something I hope I don't encounter soon! In the reversed aspect, the death card generally means you are at a standstill. Things are stagnant, and perhaps you are resisting change. It has been difficult for me to do this reading, especially as there are two other cards which have managed to catch my eye today: the Queen of Cups and the Page of Wands. Both of these together lead me to believe that the cards are trying to inform me about my relationship.

My boyfriend and I are certainly no perfect couple. We were for a while, but then reality set in and we argued over silly things and there were a few very tense moments where we both dealt with the worst parts of each other. Yet, here we are, standing strong, together, and sending cute text messages back and forth. So when the cards seem to indicate that I am resisting change or that I am having relationship issues, what I mostly feel is confusion. As I write this, my boyfriend is reassuring me that he loves me and that things are totally fine.

So I have to wonder; what other changes could I be resisting? Today is my first full day without seeing my boyfriend in nearly two months. I spend the majority of my time at his house, although occasionally, I come home to visit with my mom for a while. As you might imagine, while I love visiting with my family, I always hurt at the thought of being without my love. He is a force of goodness in my life, and has often been the anchor which keeps me on solid ground. Especially while I deal with mental health issues, he is a rock and he supports me the best he can.

So I'm drawn to believe, then, that the cards are reflecting the pain in my heart from being without him. Death in its reversed aspect reflects my difficulty of letting my circumstances change and saying goodbye to him, even if only for a short period. However, both of the court cards give me a positive energy, and I am certain that despite the sadness of being without my love, the pain will ultimately be short-lived and that good vibes and emotional satisfaction are sure to come in the near future!

In lieu of this reading, my goal for tomorrow is to give my boyfriend extra amounts of love and maybe a phone call so I can hear his voice.

- Erebella